Tive muito êxito na vida. E agora decidi fazer da minha vida um êxito.
Busco o que é perene e eterno neste Universo composto de mudança.
Portanto tenho muito com que me entreter.
Aqui vou publicando textos e links que acho serem suficientemente curiosos para trocarmos ideias sobre os temas focados.
Muitos têm que ver com as minhas dúvidas.
Portanto um blog de discussão.
Com poucas certezas. Pois obviamente tudo o que aqui se diz é pura ficção.
domingo, 12 de outubro de 2008
Educação e Arte
Fascinantes estes conceitos sobre Arte e Educação. Clique aqui.
A controversial new book argues that love and attraction are the last things to consider when you want to get married. Ask Reva Seth if she was deliriously in love the day she accepted her future husband's proposal of marriage over a glass of champagne and the answer is rather surprising to say the least. 'We'd only met each other seven times, so I don't think either of us had really had time to fall in love,' says the 32-year-old former lawyer. 'We had a lot in common and I felt confident that with time love would follow.' Perfect partnership? Reva Seth (pictured right with her husband Rana) thinks shared goals are key in a marriage
Far more important than emotional fireworks for Reva was that Rana, a business consultant five years her senior, ticked all her boxes, fulfilling all the 'must haves' she'd drawn up as non-negotiable in her search for a suitable life partner. And if that sounds rather clinical and manipulative, then Reva makes no apology for that, although she prefers to use the words 'proactive', 'practical' and 'empowering'. 'When you are buying a house you draw up a list of "must haves" so why shouldn't it be the same for marriage, which is probably the most important decision you will ever make in your life?' she asks. 'I know it doesn't sound very sexy or hot to ask yourself, "is this the person I want to be with in 20 years' time?", but perhaps these are the questions women should be asking themselves instead of basing their decision on some unrealistic romantic fantasy.' Today, Reva and Rana have been married - she says very happily - for five years and they have a two-and-a-half-year-old son. She insists that by the time they married at a London register office in May 2003, they had fallen deeply in love and their feelings for each other have grown year by year, precisely because she took so much care in choosing the right person. Now, Reva is sharing the secret of her success in her new book, First Comes Marriage, which takes an unashamedly positive look at the principles behind the Asian tradition of marriages, which she believes can be adapted by Western women to protect themselves against the pitfalls of modern romance and the misery of divorce. Some women will have an instinctive gut reaction that arranged marriages are somehow old-fashioned, immoral or even an excuse for a man to be cruel to his wife. We have all read stories about women who have been forced into marriages by their families, only to be beaten, raped or murdered by their husbands. Marriage over: Sir Paul McCartney said he fancied former model Heather Mills as soon as they met. After four years of marriage they divorced this year
Reva insists she is not suggesting British women should take as a model any marriage which goes against the woman's wishes. 'I am not advocating arranged marriage, and certainly don't support those arrangements where women are forced into marriages by their parents,' she says. Her point is that the philosophy which underpins many Asian marriages - a shared sense of cultural heritage and a similar set of goals in life - can act as a striking counterpoint to the casual sex and drunken liaisons that have become run-of-the-mill for so many young British women. The idea of finding someone who will be a good friend and partner both emotionally and spiritually - regardless of looks or wealth - is, she says, a much stronger foundation for a long, happy relationship than to date someone you met in a bar or on the internet, and simply hope that you might have a future together. In researching her book, Reva interviewed more than 300 Asian women in Europe and North America who were happy in their marriages. 'What I am doing is looking at those marriages which work well, where the women say they are happy, to see if there is some model for contentment which we can all learn from. 'The facts show that such marriages have a fraction of the divorce rate of conventional "love matches" and that these wives report being happier and more satisfied with their partners.' According to Reva's own research, the divorce rate for such unions is between five and seven per cent, compared with a failure rate of 40 per cent in the UK, and a 2005 study revealed that over time such couples reported high levels of satisfaction. 'I'm not saying that women should not choose their husbands for themselves - that should be every woman's right - what I am saying is that perhaps modern women are basing their choices on the wrong criteria. 'So many women - and I used to be one them - go through life hoping that one day their Mr Right will stumble across them. 'They are looking for a life-saver rather than a life partner, and mistakenly think that once they have met "The One" all their problems and issues will simply disappear. 'But that's a complete myth, albeit a very attractive one, fuelled by Hollywood films and novels. 'I believe there is no such thing as "The One", which is actually a very comforting thought in many ways. There are several men out there who could be potential life partners and much of it is to do with timing; meeting the right person and a time when both of you are ready to settle down. Different values: Sources have said Madonna's strict exercise regime is to blame for destroying her seven-and-a-half year marriage to Guy Ritchie
'Romantic love is very enticing and appealing because it is so exciting, usually based on infatuation and lust, but is that good enough reason to marry someone? Women can waste years finding out that the person they are in love with is basically unsuitable for them in the long term. 'Wouldn't it be better to find someone suitable for the long term with whom you can then fall in love? These days people have the mistaken belief that sexual chemistry has to be instantaneous, otherwise the person isn't even worth getting to know better, but physical attraction can and does grow if you are with the right person.' In the book, Reva reveals her 'Seven Secrets' to a happy and lasting marriage: They include, 'Your man doesn't have to be your best friend' (that's why you've had a best girlfriend all along, right?); 'It doesn't matter if he Doesn't Dance' (common interests are less important than shared values) and 'Sexual Chemistry isn't always organic' (attraction can be created if you know how to unlock your passion). To the Western ear, it all sounds suspiciously like settling for second best. Going for the safe option; choosing someone so dull and unsexy - with two left feet to boot - that you'd rather spend your time having fun with your girlfriends than waiting for the thunderbolt of passion to hit you mid-salsa. But that, says Reva, is where we are all going wrong. 'For many of us, our dating lives are the result of who we happen to meet and be attracted to. Although we research our colleges and plan our careers, we are uncomfortable with the idea of taking a conscious and definite approach to our dating lives,' she says. 'Women believe that "real love" should just happen and come into your life, but that can leave us waiting passively, or caught up in relationships that aren't right for us. 'There's nothing wrong with having high expectations, but many women's expectations are unrealistic. These days people work such long hours they have little time to see their friends and family, our society has become so couple-centred, but one person cannot be all things to another - and it is unrealistic to expect them to. Reva Seth argues that marriage should not be based on love and attraction. For Strictly Come Dancing contestant Tom Chambers (pictured), he married girlfriend Clare Harding after they both had near death experiences
'Women expect the sexual side of their relationship to be nothing short of fantastic, even ten years down the line when they have careers to maintain and possibly a couple of children to look after. 'It is considered the central element of a relationship and we women, who grew up with magazines like Cosmopolitan and who watch programmes like Sex And The City, have bought into this myth. 'But for the women I spoke to, who were contented in their marriages, sex was important, yes it was nice, but it was just a small part of what made their relationships work well.' It was Reva's disappointment with her own romantic life which prompted her to seek an alternative, one which she argues is not so very different from the model adopted by dating agencies which match suitable candidates together. The daughter of an Indian oil engineer, Reva's own parents met only twice before their arranged marriage, which has lasted 33 years. 'My parents are very liberal, and never even considered arranging a marriage for me. They told me that they didn't feel confident enough to be able to choose the right person,' says Reva. 'Growing up, however, I was intrigued by the success of their marriage. They'd never dated, yet seemed very happy together and, unlike many of my schoolfriends whose parents were divorced, were still together. 'They wanted me to make my own choice; the problem was I didn't really know what I was looking for. Like many women, my choices were based, initially, mostly on physical attraction. I lived with a partner, like this, for five years until I woke up one day and thought: "This isn't going to work out in the long-term." 'I'd fallen in love with a man who had a very negative outlook on life, we were following different paths and we wanted different things from life, so I ended the relationship because I couldn't see where it was going.' When Reva started dating again, she realised she was making the same mistakes, so in 2000 she started - more as a hobby than as a potential book project - to speak to happily-married Asian women in her community to find out how they did it. Young love: Peaches Geldof, 19, has confessed that she rushed into her marriage with Max Drummey and knew it would not last forever
Intrigued by what she discovered, she put out requests on internet noticeboards for more women like them to contact her and found enough positives to want to apply their ideals to her life. 'I wasn't desperately searching for a husband, and I didn't walk around with a list of "must-haves" in my hand, but once I had worked out in my mind what was important for me in a life partner, it made my own life much simpler,' says Reva. Reva's 'must-haves', when she thought about it, turned out to be a surprise to her. She realised she wanted someone who had a positive outlook on life, someone with the same educational background as her, who shared her love of politics, and - like her - had lived in a variety of different countries and cultures as a child. Looks, race or religion, were not an issue for her at all. Before, Reva's romances had been a case of happenstance, dating men who came into her life, but she realised that if she were to meet the right person then she would have to go looking for him in the right places. And it was through a work colleague that she met Rana at a party in London. 'I saw him across the room,' says Reva, 'and when we were introduced I discovered that we did share many common interests and similar backgrounds.
'Then, when we bumped into each other again, we exchanged numbers, and because I was working in Toronto at the time, started corresponding by email, so even though we only met seven times before we became engaged, we learned a lot about each other during that time and everything about Rana felt right.' On the strength of her conviction that Rana was the right man for her, rather than a coup de foudre, Reva gave up her legal career in Toronto and moved to London - where her parents were living - and found work as a consultant in PR. 'One afternoon, I told my parents I was going out to the Tate Modern with a friend and when I came back, it was with the words: "I'm engaged!" 'Instead of going to the museum, we went back to Rana's flat where he opened a bottle of champagne and proposed to me. I'd like to think he was hopelessly in love with me, but realistically we hadn't know each other long enough, but there was a certain amount of infatuation. But that is not what the decision to get engaged was based on. 'My parents were extremely shocked at first and tried to talk me out of it. They thought: "Who is this person? Why rush into marriage?" They thought I should spend some time dating him, to take my time to find out if he was right for me, but I already knew he was right for me and I was right for him, too. Like me, he was at a stage in his life when he felt ready to settle down. 'Of course there were times when I thought "what am I doing?" because it was a bit out of character, but by the time we married we were very deeply in love. We had five months to really get to know each other and what I learned enabled me to love him fully.'
Reva and Rana had a civil marriage in May 2003, followed a year later by a Hindu blessing. Now, Reva says she has never been happier, content that their shared values, backgrounds and similar outlooks on life will see them through to old age. 'I suppose it could all have gone pear- shaped, in which case I wouldn't have written this book or be talking to you now, but it hasn't,' says Reva. 'My parents didn't arrange my marriage, and never even suggested doing so, but I used the principles behind the tradition to help me choose someone who I thought was right for me. 'It doesn't have to be parents who can help arrange a marriage, friends can too, or siblings because they know you better than anyone and usually have a good idea of introducing you to a good match. 'I have nothing against the Western ideal of love and for those people who aren't ready to settle down and just want to date casually, that's fine. It can be fun and exciting, but surely when we are trying to choose a life partner we should put a little bit more thought into it. 'If you want your marriage to last, then taking away the element of randomness and doing some preplanning is probably the best way to go about it. So many of us today don't realise how much we expect from our partners. Is it any surprise that we become frustrated when the men in our lives can't live up to the fantasy version in our heads?' First Comes Marriage by Reva Seth, is published by Simon & Schuster at £8.99.
Muito interessante o link do nosso futuro roubado. E muito divertido o filme inglês dos dois cómicos a explicarem a crise "subprime". Vou fazer um post com ele. Merece ser partilhado.
5 comentários:
afinal gostaste do Alex
:-)
então afinal os et's não apareceram dia 14 de Outubro.
era mais um hoax dos man in black
A controversial new book argues that love and attraction are the last things to consider when you want to get married.
Ask Reva Seth if she was deliriously in love the day she accepted her future husband's proposal of marriage over a glass of champagne and the answer is rather surprising to say the least.
'We'd only met each other seven times, so I don't think either of us had really had time to fall in love,' says the 32-year-old former lawyer. 'We had a lot in common and I felt confident that with time love would follow.'
Perfect partnership? Reva Seth (pictured right with her husband Rana) thinks shared goals are key in a marriage
Far more important than emotional fireworks for Reva was that Rana, a business consultant five years her senior, ticked all her boxes, fulfilling all the 'must haves' she'd drawn up as non-negotiable in her search for a suitable life partner.
And if that sounds rather clinical and manipulative, then Reva makes no apology for that, although she prefers to use the words 'proactive', 'practical' and 'empowering'.
'When you are buying a house you draw up a list of "must haves" so why shouldn't it be the same for marriage, which is probably the most important decision you will ever make in your life?' she asks.
'I know it doesn't sound very sexy or hot to ask yourself, "is this the person I want to be with in 20 years' time?", but perhaps these are the questions women should be asking themselves instead of basing their decision on some unrealistic romantic fantasy.'
Today, Reva and Rana have been married - she says very happily - for five years and they have a two-and-a-half-year-old son.
She insists that by the time they married at a London register office in May 2003, they had fallen deeply in love and their feelings for each other have grown year by year, precisely because she took so much care in choosing the right person.
Now, Reva is sharing the secret of her success in her new book, First Comes Marriage, which takes an unashamedly positive look at the principles behind the Asian tradition of marriages, which she believes can be adapted by Western women to protect themselves against the pitfalls of modern romance and the misery of divorce.
Some women will have an instinctive gut reaction that arranged marriages are somehow old-fashioned, immoral or even an excuse for a man to be cruel to his wife.
We have all read stories about women who have been forced into marriages by their families, only to be beaten, raped or murdered by their husbands.
Marriage over: Sir Paul McCartney said he fancied former model Heather Mills as soon as they met. After four years of marriage they divorced this year
Reva insists she is not suggesting British women should take as a model any marriage which goes against the woman's wishes.
'I am not advocating arranged marriage, and certainly don't support those arrangements where women are forced into marriages by their parents,' she says.
Her point is that the philosophy which underpins many Asian marriages - a shared sense of cultural heritage and a similar set of goals in life - can act as a striking counterpoint to the casual sex and drunken liaisons that have become run-of-the-mill for so many young British women.
The idea of finding someone who will be a good friend and partner both emotionally and spiritually - regardless of looks or wealth - is, she says, a much stronger foundation for a long, happy relationship than to date someone you met in a bar or on the internet, and simply hope that you might have a future together.
In researching her book, Reva interviewed more than 300 Asian women in Europe and North America who were happy in their marriages.
'What I am doing is looking at those marriages which work well, where the women say they are happy, to see if there is some model for contentment which we can all learn from.
'The facts show that such marriages have a fraction of the divorce rate of conventional "love matches" and that these wives report being happier and more satisfied with their partners.'
According to Reva's own research, the divorce rate for such unions is between five and seven per cent, compared with a failure rate of 40 per cent in the UK, and a 2005 study revealed that over time such couples reported high levels of satisfaction.
'I'm not saying that women should not choose their husbands for themselves - that should be every woman's right - what I am saying is that perhaps modern women are basing their choices on the wrong criteria.
'So many women - and I used to be one them - go through life hoping that one day their Mr Right will stumble across them.
'They are looking for a life-saver rather than a life partner, and mistakenly think that once they have met "The One" all their problems and issues will simply disappear.
'But that's a complete myth, albeit a very attractive one, fuelled by Hollywood films and novels.
'I believe there is no such thing as "The One", which is actually a very comforting thought in many ways. There are several men out there who could be potential life partners and much of it is to do with timing; meeting the right person and a time when both of you are ready to settle down.
Different values: Sources have said Madonna's strict exercise regime is to blame for destroying her seven-and-a-half year marriage to Guy Ritchie
'Romantic love is very enticing and appealing because it is so exciting, usually based on infatuation and lust, but is that good enough reason to marry someone? Women can waste years finding out that the person they are in love with is basically unsuitable for them in the long term.
'Wouldn't it be better to find someone suitable for the long term with whom you can then fall in love? These days people have the mistaken belief that sexual chemistry has to be instantaneous, otherwise the person isn't even worth getting to know better, but physical attraction can and does grow if you are with the right person.'
In the book, Reva reveals her 'Seven Secrets' to a happy and lasting marriage:
They include, 'Your man doesn't have to be your best friend' (that's why you've had a best girlfriend all along, right?); 'It doesn't matter if he Doesn't Dance' (common interests are less important than shared values) and 'Sexual Chemistry isn't always organic' (attraction can be created if you know how to unlock your passion).
To the Western ear, it all sounds suspiciously like settling for second best. Going for the safe option; choosing someone so dull and unsexy - with two left feet to boot - that you'd rather spend your time having fun with your girlfriends than waiting for the thunderbolt of passion to hit you mid-salsa.
But that, says Reva, is where we are all going wrong.
'For many of us, our dating lives are the result of who we happen to meet and be attracted to. Although we research our colleges and plan our careers, we are uncomfortable with the idea of taking a conscious and definite approach to our dating lives,' she says.
'Women believe that "real love" should just happen and come into your life, but that can leave us waiting passively, or caught up in relationships that aren't right for us.
'There's nothing wrong with having high expectations, but many women's expectations are unrealistic. These days people work such long hours they have little time to see their friends and family, our society has become so couple-centred, but one person cannot be all things to another - and it is unrealistic to expect them to.
Reva Seth argues that marriage should not be based on love and attraction. For Strictly Come Dancing contestant Tom Chambers (pictured), he married girlfriend Clare Harding after they both had near death experiences
'Women expect the sexual side of their relationship to be nothing short of fantastic, even ten years down the line when they have careers to maintain and possibly a couple of children to look after.
'It is considered the central element of a relationship and we women, who grew up with magazines like Cosmopolitan and who watch programmes like Sex And The City, have bought into this myth.
'But for the women I spoke to, who were contented in their marriages, sex was important, yes it was nice, but it was just a small part of what made their relationships work well.'
It was Reva's disappointment with her own romantic life which prompted her to seek an alternative, one which she argues is not so very different from the model adopted by dating agencies which match suitable candidates together.
The daughter of an Indian oil engineer, Reva's own parents met only twice before their arranged marriage, which has lasted 33 years.
'My parents are very liberal, and never even considered arranging a marriage for me. They told me that they didn't feel confident enough to be able to choose the right person,' says Reva.
'Growing up, however, I was intrigued by the success of their marriage. They'd never dated, yet seemed very happy together and, unlike many of my schoolfriends whose parents were divorced, were still together.
'They wanted me to make my own choice; the problem was I didn't really know what I was looking for. Like many women, my choices were based, initially, mostly on physical attraction. I lived with a partner, like this, for five years until I woke up one day and thought: "This isn't going to work out in the long-term."
'I'd fallen in love with a man who had a very negative outlook on life, we were following different paths and we wanted different things from life, so I ended the relationship because I couldn't see where it was going.'
When Reva started dating again, she realised she was making the same mistakes, so in 2000 she started - more as a hobby than as a potential book project - to speak to happily-married Asian women in her community to find out how they did it.
Young love: Peaches Geldof, 19, has confessed that she rushed into her marriage with Max Drummey and knew it would not last forever
Intrigued by what she discovered, she put out requests on internet noticeboards for more women like them to contact her and found enough positives to want to apply their ideals to her life.
'I wasn't desperately searching for a husband, and I didn't walk around with a list of "must-haves" in my hand, but once I had worked out in my mind what was important for me in a life partner, it made my own life much simpler,' says Reva.
Reva's 'must-haves', when she thought about it, turned out to be a surprise to her.
She realised she wanted someone who had a positive outlook on life, someone with the same educational background as her, who shared her love of politics, and - like her - had lived in a variety of different countries and cultures as a child. Looks, race or religion, were not an issue for her at all.
Before, Reva's romances had been a case of happenstance, dating men who came into her life, but she realised that if she were to meet the right person then she would have to go looking for him in the right places.
And it was through a work colleague that she met Rana at a party in London.
'I saw him across the room,' says Reva, 'and when we were introduced I discovered that we did share many common interests and similar backgrounds.
'Then, when we bumped into each other again, we exchanged numbers, and because I was working in Toronto at the time, started corresponding by email, so even though we only met seven times before we became engaged, we learned a lot about each other during that time and everything about Rana felt right.'
On the strength of her conviction that Rana was the right man for her, rather than a coup de foudre, Reva gave up her legal career in Toronto and moved to London - where her parents were living - and found work as a consultant in PR.
'One afternoon, I told my parents I was going out to the Tate Modern with a friend and when I came back, it was with the words: "I'm engaged!"
'Instead of going to the museum, we went back to Rana's flat where he opened a bottle of champagne and proposed to me. I'd like to think he was hopelessly in love with me, but realistically we hadn't know each other long enough, but there was a certain amount of infatuation. But that is not what the decision to get engaged was based on.
'My parents were extremely shocked at first and tried to talk me out of it. They thought: "Who is this person? Why rush into marriage?" They thought I should spend some time dating him, to take my time to find out if he was right for me, but I already knew he was right for me and I was right for him, too. Like me, he was at a stage in his life when he felt ready to settle down.
'Of course there were times when I thought "what am I doing?" because it was a bit out of character, but by the time we married we were very deeply in love. We had five months to really get to know each other and what I learned enabled me to love him fully.'
Reva and Rana had a civil marriage in May 2003, followed a year later by a Hindu blessing.
Now, Reva says she has never been happier, content that their shared values, backgrounds and similar outlooks on life will see them through to old age.
'I suppose it could all have gone pear- shaped, in which case I wouldn't have written this book or be talking to you now, but it hasn't,' says Reva.
'My parents didn't arrange my marriage, and never even suggested doing so, but I used the principles behind the tradition to help me choose someone who I thought was right for me.
'It doesn't have to be parents who can help arrange a marriage, friends can too, or siblings because they know you better than anyone and usually have a good idea of introducing you to a good match.
'I have nothing against the Western ideal of love and for those people who aren't ready to settle down and just want to date casually, that's fine. It can be fun and exciting, but surely when we are trying to choose a life partner we should put a little bit more thought into it.
'If you want your marriage to last, then taking away the element of randomness and doing some preplanning is probably the best way to go about it. So many of us today don't realise how much we expect from our partners.
Is it any surprise that we become frustrated when the men in our lives can't live up to the fantasy version in our heads?'
First Comes Marriage by Reva Seth, is published by Simon & Schuster at £8.99.
http://www.nossofuturoroubado.com.br/
espero que gostes.
Abraço
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x684wa_the-last-laugh-george-parr-subprime_fun
Para te rires com as vigarices dos subprimes.
Muito interessante o link do nosso futuro roubado.
E muito divertido o filme inglês dos dois cómicos a explicarem a crise "subprime".
Vou fazer um post com ele.
Merece ser partilhado.
Enviar um comentário